Crazy Anniversaries When Grieving

Memories are made of smiles and tears. When I lost my husband Milt, the hardest anniversaries were the unexpected ones. I anticipated that Christmas would be hard those first few years, but what really got to me was the time after Christmas. This is a time that is a let down time anyway for me. Now it was a reminder of loss. My husband would never be there to make new resolutions or new plans together for the year ahead.

Another crazy time was my first time out on cross-country skis after his death. Milt and I had enjoyed that sport very often and it shocked me how hard it was to do an old familiar thing without my husband. I stood at the top of the slope and cried.

I call these occurrences crazy, because my emotions were so erratic. One moment I felt that I had gotten through the day fairly well and life had resumed again. I missed my loved one, but all was going fairly well. Then suddenly, I plunged into tears or anger, because life wasn’t the way it was before and I missed the comfort and joy of the old way. I literally felt crazy!

As time goes on for me, instead of so much pain, I’ve been able to hold my memories close and savor them as moments of love. I have been able to thank God for these crazy anniversaries, because they remind me that I have loved and have been loved by my beloved husband.