Journey of a Caregiver and Her Mom

by Julie Bickel

My Dad died suddenly of a massive stroke.  After this, Mom could not live alone as she suffered from memory loss, Parkinson’s disease and heart disease.  Within days we moved Mom into our home.  My Mom and my family were on a new journey together.

For six months I helped Mom with her transition. She experienced grief without her beloved companion of 57 years. Mom also struggled with her memory loss.  Her days of sadness affected me greatly.  I wanted to make it all better for her but this was not possible.  I became exhausted and depressed.  My family encouraged me to take care of myself first as this was the key to making me a better caregiver.

As time passed, Mom’s condition grew worse. After a family consultation, we made the tough decision to research various care facilities for my mother. We found a wonderful residence where we knew she would be well cared for, and we siblings could visit frequently. My husband and I together with my sisters helped make decisions about how often we should visit mom as well as how long we should stay. 

Watching mom suffer through disease and aging took a toll on all of us.  We called each other frequently and used email extensively. We shared our joys and sorrows.  Our common bond of faith in Jesus that Mom and Dad had nurtured in our family was a key in this journey.

As I fixed her hair, gave her manicures, read the Bible and sang hymns to her, Mom and I enjoyed a wonderful closeness.  One day I shared with her some concerns over the actions of one of my children.  She looked at me and said with her God-given faith, “There is always hope.”  Even in her confusion she could still have clear times of communication and extend comfort to me.  What a wonderful gift from God!

Tracking her medications and doctor appointments and interacting with the staff had its stressful moments.  At times, I thought it was up to me to protect her from the debilitating effects of disease and old age. I felt totally overwhelmed.  After tearfully sharing with a friend about how emotional I became every time I left Mom, he gave me some good advice.  “Remind yourself, ‘I did the best that I could!’ Go in peace.”  Leaving with this positive image in my mind was certainly healthier for me than regretting things that I couldn’t do.

Three and a half years after Dad died, Mom fell and broke her wrist, shoulder and hip.  After surgery she did not have the strength to do physical therapy.  Her eyes dimmed and her appetite faded.  Still, we felt that she might recover. 

I was surprised to receive a call from the nursing home saying that Mom was unconscious and dying.  Four of my siblings and I gathered through the night to sing hymns and pray.  We were blessed to be by her side when she died on her 84th birthday.

The challenges of aging and the effects of disease will afflict us all in some way,  but we have a God who is with us and never leaves us.  “Trust in the Lord your God who went ahead of you on your journey, … to show you the way you should go.”  Deut. 1:32,33